How caregiving has enhanced my career

Amid the AI slop and self-righteousness of LinkedIn, one post stopped me in my tracks.

It celebrated a speaker and VP who championed putting motherhood on your resume. I’m not a mother, but I know damn well that there are many, many skills required in parenting. I also am acutely aware of how motherhood can be a ‘dark mark’ on your professional resume; how American society simultaneously expects women to give their all to their career while parenting as a full-time job (and then some!). I’ve heard some older folks ask women my age when they were going to “get serious” about their families and step away from the careers they’ve sacrificed so much for—while knowing full well their companies would completely fall apart without them. (Not to mention what a blow the family finances would take as one stream of income is lost.) 

Like I said, I’m not a mother. But I have done a lot of caregiving in the last few years. 

One grandparent has moved in with my parents. All three surviving grandparents require lots of help. My immediate family has endured multiple life-changing, difficult medical diagnoses that required procedures and recovery time. I also helped care for my newborn niece. All of these domestic duties, while demanding a huge amount of time and effort, have riddled me with two kinds of guilt. One: feeling guilty for not investing more into my career after spending hours assisting with caregiving and needing me time. Two: feeling guilty for feeling guilty about the time I spent caregiving and not doing other things; that I should relish this fleeting time I have with those receiving care. 

That VP/speaker on LinkedIn has completely flipped my guilty mindset on its head. And for that, I am grateful to reflect on the skills caregiving has given me, that I no doubt use in my career every single day without realizing. 

• Patience and perseverance: I’ve definitely gone through days (and weeks) where it just seems like nothing is going right. A good cry, vent session, or wallowing period is all well and good to feel things. But I’ve also noticed my inner monologue telling me that when the undertow seems to be dragging everything down, it has to get better. It just has to. Right? Put your head down and keep going. It won’t feel as overwhelming. Things will smooth out. And you know what? That inner monologue is always right, whether enduring a caregiving setback or disappointment at work. 
• Planning: my family makes fun of me for having a paper planner when the whole world seems to operate on Google Calendar. But you know what? Writing down all of my plans helps my brain stay tidy. (Plus, there have been studies suggesting physically writing down information helps you remember it better, but I won’t get on my high horse for that.) A plan for the day, week, or month helps me juggle everything between career goals and obligations and family assistance, while ensuring I have time to do the things I enjoy and avoiding pouring from an empty cup.

• Flexibility: of course, the saying about our best laid plans is true. Going with the flow—and adjusting plans when the flow is about to take them out—is a skill in and of itself. And having flexibility when dealing with other humans. You never know who just got the worst news of their life and is struggling to make it through the day.

• Multitasking: have you ever had to lock in on thoroughly proofreading 50+ testimonials for a client while a seven-week-old sleep diva is napping on your chest and will wake up screaming if you so much as twitch a muscle? I sure have! I’ve become quite good at stacking tasks when needed. Like listening to a webinar while walking, or going through emails while waiting at the doctor’s office.

• Communication: there can absolutely be no room for interpretation in certain caregiving situations. Clear, concise communication has been a forte of mine and continues to sharpen.
• Empathy: watching my grandparents age so closely has truly opened my eyes. Not just because it’s a taste of what I can expect in 40, 50, 60 years from now, but newfound understanding of what so many people in the world go through. Endless tests and doctor appointments when no one really knows what’s going on or how to fix it. Constant pain. Eyesight, hearing disappearing. Balance gone. Pills upon pills upon pills that all require to be taken with food, without food, no closer than 2 hours apart but, goodness gracious, don’t go over 3, and all somehow interact with each other so it takes four pharmacists and gerontologist to ensure a catastrophe is avoided. Aging is a full-time job. And when cognitive function is slipping, you need all the help you can get from the right people—and how easy it is for the wrong person to come in and ruin it.

There are so many hard skills needed in the workforce. But some of the best people I’ve worked with have embodied qualities that translate into caregiving. In fact, many of my female colleagues have shared with me that they are caregivers for parents, children, nieces, nephews. And it’s made them stronger and better workers.